


There's a reason

by Rat_boi0



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sad Wilbur Soot, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rat_boi0/pseuds/Rat_boi0
Summary: Wilbur is sick of life and everything else, the boy's head isn't in the right space at all.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 75





	There's a reason

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ TW BEFORE CONTINUING  
> TW  
> self-harm  
> suicidal thoughts  
> suicide attempt

The tall boy wakes up from a long four-hour nap. His body slouches as he sits up, arms still stinging from last night. His phone lying at the edge of the bed buzzes with a discord notification. It's from Tommy. "shit" Wilbur whispered, "I have to stream today with Tommy and Phil." The boy's face frowns, his tired eyes glimpse over at the time. It's almost 6:30, he's supposed to stream soon. His arms shake as he gets up from bed to head over to the bathroom. 

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK they can't see me like this. they can't see me in this state. Tommy, HE'S A KID, I don't want him seeing his brother like this. I should have just been gone already. I can't keep putting on an act for them and stream to make it seem like I'm alright. even some of the fans have caught on after I made that joke about me and a couple of artists and crippling depression." he takes a deep breath. "it's today, the day I do what I wrote in that song." Fear fell into his eyes. Tears start rolling down his face. Soon he's on the ground crying and shaking. The drawer he keeps locked opens, inside was a razer blade that has stains of dried blood on it. He knows what he has to do, it's the only way for him to feel something. His arms were already damaged with the lines going all up and down, there wasn't any room for more. His belt unbuckles, his trousers were down to his ankles. Boxers rolled up, this spot will have to do. He really hated when his friends, family, and fanbase sees him vulnerable like this. 

His phone buzzes again. "SHIT, I HAVE TO STREAM" He rushes to put the blade away and clean up his thighs. His trousers stung, but he got them on without crying. Fixed his hair up and ran to his pc. Anxiously waiting as stream lab loads he gets a DM from Tommy saying “Hey big man me and the boys are on a call already. Are you okay? What's taking you so long?” Wilbur texts back “ I'm fine Toms, just running a bit late. I'll be on in a couple of minutes” He leans back with a sigh “ I'm sorry Tommy, you won't hear from me much longer. I wish I was better but I'm not.” 

Stream Labs finally loads with his webcam being the first thing to turn on. His eye bags were darker than normal but hell just tell chat that he just didn't sleep well last night, he doesn't have a good sleep schedule anyway so they probably won't care a lot about it hopefully. The stream start off normal with the instrumental of your new boyfriend playing with the computer spinning as he finishes setting up the stream. He joins the call but deafens so that he can do his intro and read off donations. “They haven't noticed yet,” WIll says in his head as he undeafens from the discord call.

“BAHAHAHAHA YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT, CLIP IT CLIP IT,” says Tommy, before he realized that Wilbur is undeafened. “AYYYYYY BIG MANNNNN YOUR BACK”

“Hey, Toms, where's Phil?”

“Phil said he went to go check on your stream and wanted to make sure you are okay! YOU ARE HERE! That's great! I thought you weren't going to join us tonight because it took you so long.” Wilbur’s breath became a bit shaky. What if Phil knows? How does he know? Is will’s mask fading away? He knew he shouldn’t have done that, he shouldn't have streamed tonight.

“ Hey Phil, are you still in chat? Im fi-fine you can join vc again.” His voice is starting to get shaky, this isn't good. “H-hey chat, how about before Phil gets back I do a song. I haven’t sang on stream in a while, I'll do Jubilee line. Let me grab my guitar.” The tall boy gets up from his chair to grab the instrument. He didn’t realise his trousers were stained with blood from earlier. With guitar in hand he sat back down and sang the song. He hasn't put this much emotion into the song since he made that one video with him at the dock. His face is almost filled with tears at that point, he didn't want to be there. Phil joined VC and the stream went normal, it was a rust stream ( since everyone really likes the game right now). 

Everyone deafened to say their goodbyes to chat, Wilbur was ready to just leave the call already. He thought he was wasting everyone’s time. He felt like a burden. At that moment when the stream stopped he knew it was time for him to go, he sent a message in chat saying that he doesn't know if he will be back. 

It was silent, he was too focused on leaving this place to give a damn. In the drawer that keeps the blade, there was a note. A Suicide note. He had written it a long time ago but kept it in case he does go through with it. He thought of many ways he could go through with it, he could travel to the jubilee line and jump off there as he has written in the song, or he could go to the nearest bridge and jump off or that. He only knew he didn't want to od himself, it was too slow. His phone keeps buzzing with DMs from Tommy and Phil, they are both really worried about him. Phil saw the brief second of the bloodstain on his trousers and knew what was going on, he didn't want to say anything to will during the stream because he knew it would make it worse.

“Big man, are you okay?”  
“Wilbur?”  
“PLEASE ANSWER ME, DUMMY”

The DMs were there, trying to help him. He didn't listen. Running out the door with tears rolling down his face knowing what his fate has in store. He never knew he could run that fast with the long lanky limbs that are attached to his body. The bridge is normally about 15 minutes away from his house but with the speed he was going it only took about 5 minutes. Once he reached it he was out of breath, the asthma that formed when he still lived in London was still there. He let out a hoarse cough, his breath being seen in the cold, dry air. 

Tommy was still texting him trying to get a response. Wilbur expected that the child worries a lot, poor kid. He finally sent a response saying “I’ll explain.” Right as the text was sent he received a voice call from Tommy.

“WILBUR WILBUR THANK FUCK YOU ARE ARIGHT. I THOUGHT U WERE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF WHAT WERE YOU THINKING” Phil must have told him, shit. How is he supposed to explain to one of his best friends that he is about to off himself? The kid is only in college, he doesn't need to be mourning his friend’s death. 

“He-hey toms. I'm sorry I scared you that badly, it's-just I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF” “Wilbur…why do I hear wind outside? Are you at a bridge? Turn on your camera. I need to see where you are. WILBUR PLEASE” The camera was on, his face still filled with tears Wilbur gave a weak smile. This is where it ends he thought, this is where he says goodbye to his friend. “I'm sorry-”

“NONONO WILBUR STAY ON THE LINE RIGHT NOW PLEASE, I already texted Phil, he knows where you are and is going to get you home. Big man please, please don't hang up and jump. “WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING TOMMY” WIll snaps, all of his built-up anger and regret finally breaks loose. “I SPENT MONTHS TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF ALIVE BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT I WAS OKAY WHEN I WASN'T. IT WAS A MASK TOMMY, A FUCKING ACT THAT HAD TO END ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND I CHOSE THIS. I did this for you, I wanted to do this in secret to protect you”

A car beeped in the distance, it was Phil. “WILL! I"M HERE, PLEASE GET DOWN I'M HERE TO HELP!” The man ran over to try and get him down but he wouldn't listen. “WHAT ABOUT YOUR MUSIC, YOU WERE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT MAKING MUSIC FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO ENJOY. All of those unreleased songs you have written and recorded wouldn't be able to see the light of day, please. What about everyone else? How will I tell them that Wilbur Soot committed suicide? We can get you help, just please listen to me!” Wilbur’s arms dropped as he hung up the phone with Tommy. 

“I-I shouldn't have done this. I should have just reached out for help. WHAT WAS I THINKING.” Yells the man as he slowly got down from the bridge. “I'm sorry Phil…”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! sorry the fic is a bit short, I promise in the next chapter ill make it longer. this fic is going to have multiple chapters. it is a vent fic but I want to continue the story afterward.


End file.
